By Robert H. Schuller 

Dr. Robert H. Schuller is founder and senior minister of the famed Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove, California. His book, Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People
Do has helped many people to hold on to hope and faith in the face
of adversity during these rough economic times. Following is an excerpt
from Part II of the book, entitled: Here’s How You Can Be Tough Too!

      Don’t surrender leadership to your foes. I had a lot of opposition when I assumed leadership of the construction
of the Crystal Cathedral. They were very supportive in their labor,
their love, and their prayers. But from outside the congregation, I
had my foes. Their criticisms were hard to take. But throughout the
whole experience I learned this: Not a single opponent, not a single
foe, not a single critic offered any better solution to my problem.
I soon realized that my  foes really weren’t interested in solving
my problems.

      They’re not accountable. You and I will stand before God some day, and we have to give account to Him of what and why we did or did not do certain
things. Do you know what hell would be for me? It would be standing
before God and having Him look at me and tell me all the things I could
have done if I’d had more faith.

      This leadership principle might be pretty obvious. What isn’t so obvious is the next principle.

      Don’t surrender leadership to your friends. Every time we have made a decision in this church, one or two of my
best friends on the church board couldn’t go along with it. Even in
my marriage, my wife and I have not always agreed.

      Somebody once asked, “How could you be married so successfully for thirty-two years when you don’t always agree?” To answer that questions I refer
to a book my wife has written, The Positive Family. In that book
she reveals the secret.

      We have a scale of non-approval. When we disagree, we measure the depth of the intensity of non-agreement.

      1. The lowest level is, “I’m not enthusiastic. But go ahead if you want to.” From there the intensity of the comments increases.

      2. “I don’t see it the way you do, but I may be wrong. So go ahead.”

      3. “I don’t agree. I’m sure you’re wrong. But I can live with it. Go ahead.”

      4. “I don’t agree. But I’ll be quiet and let you have your way. I can change it my way later on. Next year I can repaint, repaper, reupholster
it my way.”

      5. “I don’t agree and I cannot remain silent. I love you, but I will not be able to keep from expressing my disapproval. So don’t be offended
if you hear me expressing a contrary view.”

      6. “I do not approve and I will make a motion we postpone or delay action until we both are able emotionally and rationally to reevaluate our
positions. Give me more time.”

      7. “I strongly disapprove. This is a mistake – costly, not easily corrected, and I stand firm. I cannot and will not go along with it.”

      8. “My answer is no! I will be so seriously upset if you go ahead that I cannot predict what my reaction will be.”

      9. “No way! If you go ahead I have to tell you I quit. I’ll walk out!”

      10. “No, no, no! Over my dead body!”

      I must tell you that in thirty-two years my wife and I have never gone above a six in our level of disagreement.

      When I feel myself getting upset, I’ll say, “This is a six, Honey.” Six means: “I love you very, very much. Since I can’t tell what
this is going to do to our relationship, which is obviously more important,
let’s wait and think about it. Maybe in a month or two, I’ll be
able to approve. However, today I can’t agree with you on this. Give
me time to see your viewpoint and feel what you feel.”

      Friends can give you advice. They can share with you their opinions. But they should never have the final word. The only one who can make the decision
and live with the results is you. Do what you believe you must do. Be
true to yourself, to your ideals, and to your dreams.